heck yes!

come on, guys...which napoleon character are you?


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?

alex and john

here's my craziest encounter from the 48.

i was scheduled on the 2-4am team both friday and saturday nights. on friday night (which was really saturday morning) we were about an hour into our session and ben came downstairs and motioned renee over to pray for him. his legs, more specifically his knees, were aching so bad he hadn't been able to sleep at all that night, and he was scheduled for the 4-6am slot.

i joined renee as she prayed for him, and she felt to pray against witchcraft set against him. we prayed for a little while and he said he felt a tiny bit better, but not much. after a few minutes he decided to get something to eat. since my car was right out front i offered to take him to safeway.

we got to safeway's nifty underground parking and took the elevator up to the store. after wandering around for about 5 minuted we were approached by a very perplexed janitor who informed us that the store had been closed since 1am. by then it was about 3:30. that's when we decided to go to 7eleven.

since it was 3:30am we were able to park right in front of the store, where we were immediately asked for change by an incredibly inebriated homeless man who said he wanted it to get something to eat. i asked him if i could get him something while we were in there. he said a sandwich sounded good.

when i came back out i handed him the sandwich and bottle of water i got him, and by the time i reached my car (a few steps away) i realized this was the same man i had seen outside my church sunday morning. he'd asked me for change to get something to eat and i gave him part of the lunch i'd packed instead. that had lead to a conversation where he told me he'd just come out of the hospital the day before because he'd had a siesure. i had prayed for him and chatted for a minute before heading into church. it wasn't terribly surprising to see him since the 7eleven was only about 5 blocks from where my church meets, but i was still sure this was a divine coincidence.

i walked back over to him from my car and said, "i think i met you last sunday. you were outside my church. i prayed for you." he was really drunk so he didn't remember until later. i asked him if he'd had any more siesures and he said he'd just gotten back out of the hospital the day before. so i asked him his name (which is alex), and if ben and i could pray for him again, and he said yes. i prayed the same kind of prayer i'd prayed last time, that God would show him how much He loved him by freeing him from these siesures. i prayed that he would know God's nearness and love for him.

when i finished praying i told him that God loved him very much, and that i didn't matter what choices we made in life, God never holds them against us. He said he thought God did. i told him that was where the devil came in. i explained that the devil hates God, so he hates us too simply because God loves us. i said that the devil knows if he can convince us that God doesn't love us that it will cause us immense pain throughout our lives. i told him it was a lie that the devil was trying to convince him of, but that the truth is that God loves him deeply.

at that point alex pointed at two little bracelets on his left wrist. they were metal and just small enough to fit around his wrist, but not big enough to get over his hand. i'm not sure how he got them on in the first place. he told us a witch put them on him and told him he couldn't get them off. i told him that God was bigger than those bracelets and what they represent, and that God could take them off of him. i said that he was not obligated to live under the control of that curse, and i asked if i could pray about that. he said yes. so i did.

as i finished praying i told him that God could take those off of him, and that God was going to do it that day. i'm not sure why i said it, but it came out of my mouth. alex said the witch told him they would bring good luck. i asked if they had and he thought about it for a second and said that since he'd had them he'd been to jail, almost been to prison, had lost his home and so on. i said, "sounds like she lied to you, doesn't it?"

at that point ben asked if alex would like him to try to get the bracelets off. he said yes. so ben got down next to him and was able to bend the bracelets back and forth until they broke, then he prayed for him. alex kept saying, "oh...there's gonna be reprocussions" and we kept saying, "no there's not. God made the witch, and He's stronger than her. He'll take care of you".

then alex said he thought God hated him because his leg was crippled. we asked how it happened and he (nice and drunk still) said, "i ran into a truck...or the truck ran into me...i don't remember exactly, but now i have degerative arthritis in my knee." so ben prayed for his knee. after that alex said the witch had said to read the satanic bible, something chapter 13. i told him the satanic bible was a rip-off of the real bible, and that the devil copies God but twists it because he hates God. i told him i would get him a real bible and he could read every chapter 13 in it. he told us the witch had told him God hated him. i said, "she told you the bracelets would bring you good luck too. looks like she lied to you twice!" i told him we would keep praying for him, and when i saw him next i would ask him if he was healed. i said if he wasn't we'd just pray again, and keep doing that whenever God crossed our paths.

somewhere in that 30 or so minutes i also had a brief conversation with a 20-something street kid named john who was with a girl that was tweaking. he'd asked us to keep an eye on her while he got some food for them and their two dogs. when he came out i asked him if she was okay and he looked like he was going to cry with frustration. he said he hated the stuff, but he couldn't get her to stop shooting up, so he just had to make sure nothing happened to her while she was tripped out. it absolutely broke my heart. john had the sweetest countenance of almost anyone i've ever met, and it was so strange to see such a hard appearance so undone by such a sweetness of his person. he told me that they'd been sleeping on the same rooftop for 2½ years and had just that night been kicked off by the police. i told him if they needed anything to look for us in our cheesey 'can we help' shirts and we could get him in touch with any program in the area for any kind of help they wanted. he thanked me and said he'd keep that in mind.

i came away from that adventure both excited and torn apart. my heart so desperately longs for God to just show up. i keep praying, "why don't you just bring Your power and deliver alex, or that girl? God why don't You do it when we all know and belive You can and are watching and waiting for it?" it truly was amazing the way God came back around to touch alex's live again, but i find a deep frustration in my soul that God dosen't do more. it drives me to press in. i can't settle. i still want more.

i trust He sees more of the picture than i do, but i so desperately want people to know how much they matter to Him, how intensely He loves them. but maybe somehow He did, and i just didn't see how significant it truly was because it wasn't a big flash or a neon sign. maybe it was one of a string of events that God is using to show them He's right there with them, covering them with His own hand, showing them that their name is written on His heart. i just have to trust Him and continue to be desperate, and i can't give up.

oh...almost forgot. by the time ben and i got back to the building his knees didn't hurt any more. pretty crazy, eh?

downtown 48

sunny sunday afternoon.

i’m sitting at an open-air coffee shop in nw portland with kathleen. i’m supposed to be tired but i’m pretty alert in spite of having gotten only three hours of sleep last night. my blackberry italian soda is going down nicely as i try to figure out how to describe the last three days.

today we finished our last 48. not the last one ever, but the last of these first 48s. strange how quickly we get to the back side of things we so long anticipate. the 48 hours of prayer and service was amazing, though it wasn’t the flash of miracles, signs and wonders i always hope for, it was full of miracles, signs and wonders the way god wanted it.

friday morning the whole thing kicked off with prayer at 10am, then some groups went out with food for the streetkids that our city is so full of. after that there were more prayer walks and walking in the park blocks with socks, tooth brushes and paste, doggy treats, bottled water and other ‘dignity’ items like deodorant. there were teams that went out with instruments and worshipped in the park blocks and pioneer square, and more prayer walk teams.

at 10 we gathered together to worship together and share about encounters we’d had throughout the day, and there were many amazing stories of how god opened the door for our teams to pray for people and some crazy conversations that had been had. we did that until midnight, then we prayed and worshipped in shifts until 10 am, when we started the whole service teams thing again, went until 10 and then met for stories and worship. we prayed again through the night and ended the whole ‘event’ with two other downtown churches joining ours for our regular sunday service.

the coolest thing would have to be running into the same people over and over throughout the weekend. it tied in so well with the work we’ve been doing with our ‘can we help’ teams, and it was amazing to see God create more oportunities to reiterate His love to someone. i loved, too, that my church peeps and my dhop peeps were together for the same thing. finally the amazing friends i have in each have met. so cool.

i have lots of cool stories to tell, but my three hours of sleep is getting to me suddenly, so i’ll fill you in through installments.

SLL

i was hanging out with my dhop peeps last night and ben was wearing a superhero shirt renee found for him. the funny thing is there was another guy wearing the shirt i should've had on.




isn't that rad?! the poor guy in the 'p' shirt didn't know what to think with all our laughing and pointing and freaking out about his shirt. but he was very obliging when i told him i needed a picture of his shirt for my blog.

the whole "jben and psheena" thing has greatly expanded. we've added other superheros as we've 'discovered' the silent letter at the front of their name. among others we now have mkelly and kpat. we can't just be "jben and psheena" anymore since our ranks have grown, so we've called it the "silent letter league" or the "SLL". i should have the new logo here pretty soon.

last week

do you ever find yourself amazed at your life?

i do.

it seems that things that should be normal rarely are, and things that should be unusual or odd have somehow become as much a part of my life as my arms.

to talk about my week would be odd because so many odd things happened, but in a way that seems normal and natural. i don't live an ordinary life, but that's exactly what i want to be ordinary about my life.

last monday came with this...


yep. that's my car. and that's the hole in my car. i was parked in my pastor's spot downtown since they were out of town. the person went through the whole car but there was nothing to steal. in the end i filed a police report over the phone and they called it vandalism since nothing was taken. if i'd known they were going to do that i would've left it unlocked for them.

tuesday we did our 'can we help' teams (the site's still under construction) where we give bottled water and snacks to people walking around the neighborhood of our church. we're just off the park blocks downtown which has recently been reclaimed as 'home' to our large population of homeless kids. the weather's been pretty hot so the water always goes really fast.

as our teams went out i was on a prayer walk team. we walk through the park blocks and pray for God to bless everyone that goes through there, and for God's peace to be there. we used to do this about 8 years ago and saw a significant drop in drug dealing and the other things that go with it. the drug dealing is back, and worse than ever. it's a huge community concern which we hope God will change. we are asking Him to change it. it's always amazing the way God speaks to us when we prayer walk, and one of those odd things that has become normal in my life.

thursday i met with a lady with whom i'm facilitating a bible study program. she's been through quite alot in life and is looking for something more than her life is headed toward now. i'm not only excited to do this with her, i'm honored to have the change to give to someone in the same way that others have poured into me. already i'm inspired by her determination to lay ahold of her destiny and see her life go from what it always has been to what it was always meant to be.

friday the dhop held a 24-hour prayer gathering in vancouver, washington. it's just north of us, and we held it there because we've been praying all around the city (east, west, south, now north) and knew we needed to pray there before we held our 48-hours of prayer and service downtown.


sunday we finished it off with prayer at ft vancouver. it's pretty significant because this fort is the foundation of the settling of not just this region, but down as far as san francisco, and north as far as british columbia. the choices made by those first settlers have had a profound impact on the spiritual climate of this area. it was an amazing prayer time.

so this upcoming weekend we are holding a 48-hour prayer and service event downtown. many local churches are involved, dhop is putting it on and my church is hosting it. we're going out in teams, from 10am to 10pm friday and saturday, and blessing the community by serving. we're feeding the homeless, giving food, prayer walking and tons of other things. we're even sending out some teams to walk around downtown and pray for people for healing or any other miraculous thing that God wants to do to show someone He loves them. at night, 10pm to 10am, we're going to be worshipping and praying throughout the night in the building where my church meets.

i know it's going to be wild. God's going to exceed all of our expectations...He always does. i've been praying for more than 15 years for God to come and make the crazy things normal, like healing, restoration of relationships, strange miracles. i know in my heart this is that and i can't wait!

isaiah 58

one of my dhopt friends, rachel, took this picture and another friends, jake, put it with isiah 58. isn't it beautiful?

camera

i took this (yes, with my cameraphone) at the end of the south park blocks. there was another guy with a real camera taking pictures too. i felt a little foolish, acting all photographer with my motorolla in my hand. the guy with the real camera watched me for a minute and said, "you need a camera".

i do need a camera. i'm praying God will give me one, but so far no go. i want a digital, and something decent. there was one i really wanted, but it was about $800. at this point i'd be happy with anything decent. there's no way i can afford to buy one before my trip in september. oh how i wish i could. maybe i'll win powerball this weekend, then i can buy a laptop too.

daisy jup

we should make a coffee table book about what christians do for fun. we'd make so much money.

i've told you about my friend jov...the one i nicknamed jup. well, some of us were hanging out at my friend brian's after church on sunday, and it was a pretty warm day. we were all in brian's back yard and someone brought up the new dukes of hazard movie. naturally we ended up talking abut daisy duke and her short shorts (which we here in my neck of the woods have been calling 'daisy dukes' since i was a kid and the original show used to be on tv)

somehow someone ended up offering jov $10 to cut his jeans into daisy dukes. he said he'd do it for $30, which we quickly came up with. as he passed me on his way in the house to do the deed he confessed he didn't know how this would end up since he was commando that day. we now call him 'commander jov'.

a few minutes later he came out looking...well, pretty bad in his daisy dukes, which i quickly re-named 'daisy jups'. after four or five minutes of side-splitting, tear-wrenching and uncontrollable laughing we managed to get it together enough to get some pictures. the rest, as you can see, is history.

remiss

i've been a slacker lately when it comes to my blog. as you can see from my last two posts, life's been a bit challenging lately. i've been in a cloud the last two weeks and i'm only now starting to feel my head clear. it's been such a funk that i haven't even wanted to blog! that's pretty bad for me.

i turned thirty this past january. i'd heard lots of things about what thirty would be like. of all the things people said i think my friend rachael's statement rings truest with me. she said that she didn't feel like a grownup until her thirtieth year. i just thought she meant she was beginning to feel old. now i find myself thinking the same thing.

up to now i've always felt i was going through the motions of a functioning adult member of the general public. i made choices based i what i believed was expected of me, weather to comply with those expectations or to try to get out from under them. lately i realized that i've begun make choices out of my expectations for myself. i'm in this strange place where i've gotten to know myself so well that i'm actually comfortable in my own skin. that's a bit new to me, and i find i rather like it.

the past two weeks have been an odd roller coaster for me considering my newfound feeling of liking myself more than i ever used to. it's been strange to be face-to-face again with old insecurities that have tried to re-attach themselves to my brain. it's been so strange to have to put to rest (again) things i dealt with and (for the most part) laid to rest a year or two or more ago.
it's been a good reminder to continue to do the work of keeping thoughts in check. every belief starts with a single thought, so it's vital to know what goes on in my head. i can't afford to waste the next thirty years on false belief systems that keep me distracted from my destiny and frustrated with myself.

the biggest lesson that came out of the last two weeks was to trust God with how i'm perceived. all my life i tried to control that. i tried so hard to cover my flaws and hide my insecurities, to the point that i didn't even have true friendships because i couldn't risk my heart with any more rejection or disapproval. God reminded me of that in the last two weeks, as i feel i've 'fallen from grace' (over something that may turn out to be all in my head after all) in the eyes of people who's opinions are important to me.
God really challenged me to trust Him to defend my name - or not defend my name - according to His desires. Beyond that, and harder still, He's challenged me to let it go and not allow myself to be anxious over it, and not let it effect my love and grace towards those friends. i was reminded again of how foolish it is to try to read someone else's mind or gage what they think of me. it's not going to destroy my life if i'm misunderstood...or even disliked. it is going to destroy my life if i keep focusing my energy and emotion on trying to get everyone to think i'm cool.

i don't know if i'm saying this all very well, but i can't worry about it since i'm not to stress too much about being misunderstood. :-D
after all it's not such a big deal in the grand scheme of things, is it? the more i try to 'fix' it the worse it usually comes out anyway. better, always, just to trust God and keep going.