bank holiday

the beauty of a three-day weekend is that it's followed by a four-day work week. i have signed up to work every holiday my work is open in the over two years i've been there because the bonuses are quite generous, but this time the need for some r&r and some time with people i haven't seen much of was more important than a few more bucks.

i managed to spend time with quite a few people this memorial day weekend, but i didn't feel over-extended in the process. i did, however, realize my bed really sucks after sleeping in a really really comfy bed at my pastors' house. i think i'll have to buy a new bed. or maybe if i just chuck the frame and put the mattress on the floor it will be better. i don't know, but i don't want to spend money if i don't have to. i digress.

it rained most of the weekend, but cleared up today. it was a lovely afternoon, which i spent with meems (amelia) shoe shopping and walking off the bad things i ate this weekend on the couple mile circuit of both sides of the downtown waterfront. it's such a lovely walk, and fun to see all the rides being set up for rose festival. i personally don't like anything more exciting than the feris wheel, but meems was getting excited about the gut wrenching, quease-inducing rides that will be opening in just a few short days.

we also visited the craft store and i bought some lovely flower lights, which i have wrapped with another set of fairy lights (aka christmas lights) to form a vine-like 'lamp' which i have hung in the corner that housed a very artificial looking tree. i put the tree by the dumpster, and am glad to have the dust magnet out of my little home. so not only was i able to maintain my social connections this weekend, but i was productive as well.

overall it was a very satisfactory weekend and i'm ready to get back to the routine of life.

forgiveness

i've been thinking alot lately about what it really means to forgive. God says, "vengeance is Mine. I will repay". the problem is God doesn't do things the way we would like Him to. He doesn't make the offender 'get their due', and He asks us to leave it in His hands even if we don't ever see the justice exacted according to our expectations. we want God to gouge their eyes out, crash their car, let their wallet be stolen...whatever notion we have in our heads of what 'payback' looks like. but God's justice is completely different.

God's judgments are against sin, not against people. the Father doesn't destroy us, He destroys the things we cling to that keep us from Him. it's our choice weather we hold onto those things or not. the justice God brings is life-giving. His judgments against sin is forgiveness - not holding that thing against us or refusing us love because of our choices. His judgement against sickness is healing. isaiah 61 says that He gives beauty for ashes, joy for mourning and praise for despair. these are His judgments. and this is the struggle when we are asked to forgive. are we willing to give up seeing destruction and pain rain down on the offender? can we let God give us His perspective so that we look with eyes of compassion on those that have deeply hurt us. can we ask God not just to keep them from hurting others, but also to heal their hurts? when we ask God to restore what was taken can we ask God to also restore the taker? these are His justice.

none of this is possible without God's help. we are not capable as humans of loving without expectation, of loving without a hook. the human response is to take control, but that means telling God that He's wrong to forgive someone. and isn't that trying to take the place of God? the beauty is that God doesn't require us to want to forgive, He just asks us to trust Him.

forgiveness is trust.

melbourne united

no, i'm not trying to form a new football club.

i just got off the phone with jben. he calls me once or twice a month so we can keep up with each other. i was telling him about statcounter and how i could see the ip addresses of people that visit my blog. i'm not a freaky stalker, but i do find it interesting to see where people are that visit my blog. i seem to have multiple visitors from melbourne, australia, but ben's the only one i know there.

so this post is for you melbourners...

(what are people from melbourne called?)

ben said that if there are other people in melbourne that are so intelligent and literate that they visit my blog (okay, maybe he didn't say it quite like that), he would like to know who they are and see if they want to hang out. especially if they are single young ladies that are easy on the eyes (i made up that last part too...but he really is single and an absolute doll). he loves people almost as much as he loves prayer, which he loves almost as much as he love Jesus.

so if you are in melbourne, you are not ben and you do not know ben, you are most welcome to email me and i will get you in touch with him. his heart is for community and he is worth going waaaaaaay out of your way to get to know. you'll be glad if you meet him. he is one of my dearest friends and after one conversation with him and you'll know why.

memory lane

today is mother's day here in the states, and i dutifully (and enjoyably) spent it with my mom and grammy on a drive through the columbia river gorge. we used to do this drive alot when we were kids, so it was fun to re-visit as a grown-up, and to have a girl day.

we tried to stop at at least one of the many falls along the way, but it seems everyone else had the same bright idea we had, and there was nowhere to park. we decided to just continue on to cascade locks and get ourselves ice cream cones at the little dive of a place we always went when i was a kid. it was perfect, sitting in the grass with mom and grammy, all of us working away at our massive ice cream cones. we're now talking of a weekend excursion sometime this summer.

the weather was stunning. i couldn't have ordered a better day. just warm enough to feel good in the shade, a little too warm to be right in the sun. dad loaned me a camera, which was amazing and state of the art when they got it six years ago. i got a few good shots with its 1.5 megapix magic, including my new banner.

i wish i could capture the majesty of the gorge. it's truly the most majestic landscape i've ever seen anywhere. the river is immense, the waterfalls breath taking and the views unbelievable. i never get tired of it. i always come back to town more convinced than ever that God loves me, if He gave me something like that to experience. and how much more beautiful is He? it's beyond me.

anyway, we had a lovely day.

300

this is my 300th post.

i really should create something brilliant, witty and dazzlingly well crafted, but instead i'll just write a good ol' post, like the other 299.

today was lovely. i chatted online with my friend janelle for a couple hours. she lives in london, so it's not every day that our seperate time zones line up in such a way that we both have time to really catch up. i'm truly looking forward to being just a train ride away from being able to spend time with her.

the weather was perfect today. it was about 75º and no clouds. i spent a happy hour with my guitar in the park blocks, though i don't know how well the others in the park enjoyed my gutar. i don't think it was so bad since nobody threw anything. it was fun to see all the symphony goers and all the kids in formal dress going to prom at the art museum ballroom. there's nothing quite so wonderful as portland in the good weather.

faithful

i will lift up my praise to You
the One who loves me
You remain worthy
when everything is crumbling
and though the world around is falling down
You are my Rock

when nothing else remains
Jesus You are still faithful
when everything's impossible
Jesus You are still able

God of my tears, Comforter, Deliverer
Holy and Glorious
Faithful and Beautiful
i will praise You in spite of what i see
You are still worthy

when nothing else remains
Jesus You are still faithful
when everything's impossible
Jesus You are still able

i bring you my brokenness
only You can make me beautiful
i bring you my gift of praise
You are still God

pj day

here i am again, not having touched my blog all week. i've started to feel really burnt out, so i've been a bit reclusive of late when it comes to my blog. it's mid-afternoon and i'm still in my p.j.s (that's pajamas, for you non-american slangsters). i'm having a bit of a 'duvet day', and not a moment too soon!

last night i told the boys i'm not going to be able to sing in the band. i went back and forth on it all week, but had to admit that i wasn't going to be as dedicated to it as they are, so it wasn't really fair to them to keep going with it and then move away in seven months. there's also that fact that practice was every saturday, 11:30-3:30. saturday was the only day of the week i don't have at least one (sometimes more than one) commitment, and even that's not completely true since we have a 'can we help' outreach to students with children at portland state university one saturday a month. it does something evil to my psyche to have to wake up to an alarm every day of the week. that's my indication that i've got too much on my plate. the guys were really great about it, but i feel bad. i guess it's better now than in a month or two.

the other excitement this week (only matched by my getting to sleep in) was setting up the airfare and some accommodations for september's trip. i'll be staying a week in edinburgh with my mother, then going to 24-7's international leader's gathering and then going back to york and edinburgh for a few more days. my mom has always wanted to go to scotland, and i've wanted to take a trip with her. it's perfect. even more so since she is booking a deluxe five-star hotel through her work's time-share program for $100. that's $100 total, not per night, which would still have been a great deal at this hotel! i was looking at their website last night and was blown away. i might be a bit too shabby for a lovely place like that, but i'm willing to give it a go just the same.

now if i could just get free airfare.