recently amelia (aka meems) and i were hanging out at my house and i, suffering from a cold, was wanting to sip some port, but decided it was a little too strong for my sensitve self. i had a unique "solution", and if you want a good laugh at my expense, you can check it out on my vox site video page. you should watch this one first, then this one.
i'm in a season of sorting, and it's not my favorite place to be. i watched a travel show this morning getting ready for work, and it featured edinburgh. how i wish i was through the transition already, and plugging away at what God has for me to do there.
October is my favorite time of year in portland, but this year seems somehow less magical than other years. i feel distracted and unable to appreciate the beauty of the autumn around me. i have moments, but it doesn't seem the same. it's a bit disappointing, really. i'm just distracted with the feeling that i've been doing what i should, plugging away and even finding the joy of obedience in it, but not doing what i want, not waking out any dreams. God is truly blessing my obedience...after all, i did get to go to ecuador and the galapagos for work. but it was work, and it felt like work. to do it i moved my vacation to january, so i'm three months out from being in beautiful edinburgh.
on thursday i was offered a promotion, and i accepted. i'm now a supervisor. God is truly blessing me with favor and with financial provision, but i feel like i'm getting sucked into the machine, and the dreams of my heart and what God has for me in edinburgh and beyond are moving further away, like the proverbial carrot on a string. i ache for the dreams while i'm being made comfortable with life as i live it day-to-day.
and even as i ache i see so clearly how easy it would be to continue to work in this job i enjoy, collect an ever-bigger paycheck and spend my vacations hanging out in cities around the world, observing the work of others who have managed to walk out their dreams and destiny. comfort is my enemy because it has recently (and for the first time in my life) become my attainable friend.
i don't know how i'll be able to make moving to edinubrgh a reality because there are so many challenges to making it happen. raising support is the one that intimidates me most, because it requires me to live by faith. i'd rather not live by faith. i'd rather have a job and take care of myself, but God is making it more and more clear He doesn't want me to take care of myself, He wants to take care of me. i'm really struggling with it.
so as you see, i'm sorting through alot of things right now. i don't want to put my dreams off any longer. i'm not getting any younger. but i don't want to push something through just to do it. i want it to be right. i want it to be God. and i want it to be soon.
okay, so i made up that word. but i just realized i missed my blog's 2nd birthday. two years ago last saturday i first blogged. two years of silly stories, soul searching and generally talking about myself. i've learned alot about html and alot about myself. blogging is one of the nicest things i've done for myself, and one of the most thereputic.
here's to two more years...and two more after that...and two more after that...
ever notice how cool jazz musicians are? i mean no matter what? you can take the biggest nose-picking geek and if he plays double bass or a hammond b3 with any sort of talent he's cool.
i was cool enough to initiate a girl's night out at jimmy mak's. jimmy mak's used to be this dive of a greek joint that happened to have live jazz six nights a week, happend to be voted one of the top 100 places to hera jazz in the world, and also happend to have mel brown as the main draw three of those six nights. he was the studio drummer for motown records for years, and they say he's the drummer on about half the albums that came out of motown records clear up into the 1970's. he played with all the greats, and he's great himself.
jimmy mak's closed for about a month this summer and moved across the street, but now it's a swanky jazz club, with black and velvet everywhere. i hadn't been there since they moved, and i was properly impressed. but as i orderd my decaf, which followed my rc cola, i realized that there are a few not-so cool things to do in a jazz club.
drinking coffe in a jazz club is cool - if it's not decaf
drinking cola in a jazz club is cool - if it has rum in it
smoking in jazz club is cool - unless there are other people in the place
nodding along to the music is cool - bobbing your head side to side isn't
phrases like "that's right" or "comeon now" are cool - phrases like "rock on" aren't
snapping to the music is cool - clapping to the music is not
overall i stayed pretty cool...if you didn't look too closely at my drinks.
my next-door art museum must already be effecting me, because yesterday i detoured by art media on my way home and got my first "bigger" canvas (30x40in).
it looks better in real life, it's almost as big as my dinner table, and i'm really really pleased with it. i only knew when i started it yesterday that i wanted it to be a portrait. when i laid down the background it sortof appeared from the shadows.
it's not perfect, and i'd tweak a few things if i had it to do over, but i really like it. now i need an even bigger canvas.
i've taken the plunge and purchased an annual membership to the portland art museum. and it wasn't enough to just get myself a membership, i got a "family" membership, which means i can take one adult and up to four children into the museum with me free of charge (except for special exhibits, which are half price)
in november they have an egypt exhibit called 'the quest for immortality'. it claims to be the largest group of artifacts from egypt ever to tour north america. even if it was one of the smallest, i'm a sucker for mummies, so i'm all over it. so is my thirteen-year-old friend (the daughter of one of my best friends) who, along with several other people, calls me "tidbit tina". i have dubbed her a "tidbit tina-in-training" or more simply, "tidbit teen". she makes a geek proud with her love of books and museums. her mom will be at a meeting on sunday, so she and i will be swimming and visiting the museum to see the resident collection.
funny thing about being next door to the art museum and now being able to go inside whenever it's open. it gives me a feeling of ownership, like the picasso sculpture, or the monet or degas paintings all belong to me. i love just wandering through with an illogical sense of pride at all i'm seeing, and finding myself inspired to go paint. best frivolous $75 i've spent in a long time.
yesterday was david's funeral. it was a really strange day for many reasons, the first of which was that i was at david's funeral.
i wasn't super close to david. we grew up together, but he was in one of my older sisters' grade. his older brother was in my older sister's grade, and his younger brother kevin was in my grade. most of my connection with david in the last few years was through kevin or other friends.
walking through addam's death has forever changed what i see when i look at others' grieving. it was so painful to see how overwhelmed kevin was. it was shattering to see the group of twenty- and thirty-something guys that carried out the casket containing one their closest friends. it seemed like a dream, but felt all too real.
the bright light of hope was knowing david is with Jesus, and the comfort and peace that comes from knowing david is beyond pain and suffering, enjoying the company of the God he loves. it was also amazing to see the people that came, some i haven't seen in 15 or more years. it was crazy.
and just like that, the funeral is over and everyone goes on with their lives. somehow to me that makes life seem more temporary, not less.
we lost a friend last night. our families have been friends for almost 25 years, and though i didn't see him much the last few years it was still a stunner. he'd had some serious health problems and passed away because of some complications durring a surgery. he never woke up, and they took him off life support last night.
it doesn't seem real, and my heart is so very heavy for his family. it's overwhelming to think about. the funeral i think will be huge because so many of us that grew up with him are still around and will want to be there.
he left a wife, parents, two brothers, a sister-in-law and extended family. he also left a very large group of friends that loved and respected him. he will be sorely missed.
please keep his wife and family in prayer.
i've been all too quiet the past few weeks, but i have a good excuse. i spent most of the last two weeks in ecuador. i went for work, and found quito, the galapagos islands, cotopaxi and the otovalo indian market to be much more wonderful than i had imagined. and the highlight was (hands down, no contest) the galapagos.
i've been a little under the weather since returning home, so i'll just give you a teaser of some of the photos to come. the picture above was taken from the dingy that took us on our shore excursions.
this is me at the ecuator...
and this is one of the huge turtles at the darwin research center...
i'll post a bit more when i'm not jet-lagged and under the weather.
