treading

It's official. Work is kickin' my butt. It was just a matter of time before I hit this point, though it took me longer this year than last year.

I find it demoralizing and draining to work so hard and not be able to get ahead, and that's exactly what I'm up against at work. I'm starting to get the stress deal that starts sometime Monday, turns into knots in my neck and shoulders by Tuesday, grows into a tension headache Wednesday and results in my taking Advil like candy at whatever time the headache wakes me up early Thursday morning (usually between 4 and 6 am) until Saturday afternoon when I actually decompress from the week. Unless i have to be on call for emergency voicemail that weekend, in which case I don't really decompress at all.

It's not that I don't love my work or my company, I just find it challenging to see the same issues bogging us down in the same way year after year. Today I sat in a supervisor meeting and told my boss that we are so busy covering for other departments and trying to keep our head above water with our insane call volume that I and the other two supervisors are unable to fulfill the role of supervising our call center.

I knew it was going on a bit of a limb to tell him that we can't do our job because we're too busy, and especially that we're too busy because we're trying to fill in the gaps from other departments that aren't stepping up. And it's an on-going issue that comes up every busy season. I guess I just don't understand why, if the same thing happens every year, nobody until now has said what I said today; If we keep doing the same thing nothing will change and we'll continue to face these same problems indefinitely.

I also said that it's time for us to stop throwing blame back and forth between departments and find a solution that involves all of us focusing on the same big picture, instead of being bogged down in our own departments and forgetting how our actions (good and bad) effect the rest of the company. I said it all more diplomatically than I've just written it and I hope he really heard me when I tried to convey that I'm not just whining about the issues. I'm trying to bring awareness to the fact that we've been a step behind for a while now and with a little bit of well-thought effort we have the potential to be two steps ahead and proactive about steering our business in a productive and profitable direction.

As I thought about it all on my walk home I was thinking about what a great example this is of the way we humans live our lives. It's the age-old definition of insanity - doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. We want maximum results with minimum change and effort, and nothing works that way. One of my old youth pastors used to say, "Change ain't change 'til you change." and I thought at the time that was a dumb thing to say, but the more I face the choices in life of staying the same and living with the same old drama, the more I see the truth in that sentence. We invest so much time patching leaks and MacGyvering things in our lives that don't work because the devil we know is easier to live with than the devil we don't.

I've worked so hard over the past six or seven years to become a person that faces things head on and doesn't let myself take the easy way out or the path of least resistance. Not only is this situation a blatant metaphor for life and human nature, it's also a challenge for me to see if I can encourage people to step up and make a difference without being so aggressive about it that I freak people out. It's a chance for me to let myself be guided by the voice of my Heavenly Father so that I don't say too much or settle for too little. And it's yet another opportunity to stretch and grow. Hopefully I'll stretch and not snap.

different

Another grey Portland winter day. It tried to snow a bit but didn't quite figure that one out, so it's back to rain.

The weather has been a bit different this year, with weeks of cold hovering on the brink of freezing, but not quite pulling it off. So it's been that bone-chilling damp that seems more fitting in London than in Portland.

This year will be different in more ways than just the weather. I have some things on the horizon that are really exciting, one of which is developing and overseeing a program with LivingStonesPDX (formerly known as the Downtown House of Prayer). Here's the official blip on the website:

PDX Internship
In the fall LivingStonespdx will begin our first ever internship program. Sheena Littlehale, who has been a part of the house of prayer since 2000, will be leading this program. The internship's focus will be “living out your faith in the world”. Staying together in the same house for a year, interns will be trained in the areas of prayer, justice and the arts through small groups, special guest speakers, and of course, plenty of hands on experience!

I'm super jazzed about this whole opportunity to be so hands-on in putting this together. This will be something similar to things I've looked at participating in elsewhere across the globe, but it's here in beautiful Portland! It's an interesting season in my life to be doing this, and it means I'll be moving to a neighborhood just outside of downtown when my lease is up this summer. I'm looking forward to lower living expenses and having laundry machines I don't have to share with an entire building of tennants.

I'll keep y'all posted as this develops more and more, and for now I would be grateful for any prayers that are squeaked out on behalf of myself and LivingStones. Work is crazy now, and will stay that way until around June, and while that is demanding much of me I still need to be able to keep up with my other committments (like Can We Help?)while prayerfully planning and working with people on developing this program, getting the practical details of housing and household laid out, reviewing and choosing applicants and generally getting the ball rolling.

Needless to say, this year is going to be a different one, but in a good way. Some adjustments, some transitions and whole lot of adventure. I think it's going to be good fun as well.