words

i was thinking today of what i should say when i sat down to blog about the last 48. how do you sum up what God does in something like that? what He's doing in the spirit in this city is going to blow everyone out of the water. i hate to be so self-referential, but i think it would be easiest to tell you what God did in me this weekend.

as i posted a bit ago, God has been speaking to me about stepping out in the things i feel He's telling me to do or to pray about. He's been challenging me the last several months to take my place in His body and in this city. it sounds a bit generic, but it really isn't to me. i disqualify myself and let fear get in the way of stepping out in faith. He's been challenging me to believe that i really do know His voice, and to act accordingly. a pastor friend of mine that prayed for me a couple weekends ago prayed all these things over me without knowing this was what God's been saying to me. it was awesome.

so this weekend at our 48 we saw the themes emerge that we've been praying over the region the past few weeks. God spoke clearly about an army of children He's raising up. He spoke of resources, both financial and in manpower, being raised up and released to this city. He said some amazing beautiful things, but the thing that impacted me most was the way He created deeper relationship among us.

i was there thursday night until midnight, and friday night around 9 until we finished saturday night at 8. it wasn't until some time saturday afternoon i found myself praying 'God this is awesome, and i love being here with you, but why am i here? what do you want to do?'. as the day progressed the presence of God grew thicker and stronger until finally i just put myself on the floor and waited on Him.

as i was laying on the floor i was praying with the others in the room about God raising up and giving boldness to those who would speak His word to the people of this city. i suddenly realized that i was one of those that we were praying for, and it was so overwhelming that all i could do was breathe. as i laid there breathing i gradually became aware that God was so close to me that when i breathed in it was the breath He had just breathed out, and as i breathed out i found myself blowing the breath of God over my city. i didn't have words, that was my prayer.

after a while i sat up and as we were finishing the last session they had all the children and youth come in the middle to be prayed for. i couldn't really stand at that point, so i figured God would show me who to pray for and enable me to walk over to them when He wanted me to. i saw patrick and knew i had to pray for him. when i got up to go over there my hands felt like i had electricity running through them and a prayer of healing and impartation came pouring out. i got a little insecure as we went along because the things that i felt to pray were pretty specific and not things that pat and i had ever talked about. turned out later when i talked to him that it was all true and he and i were both a bit blown away by it.

it makes me teary just thinking about it. i so adore patrick that i don't have words for it. his friendship is such a blessing to me. he's so sincere and open and he longs for God so much sometimes i think he'll burst. his heart is so hungry to please God and the enemy comes with lies tries to disqualify him. it was incredible to see God point His finger in the face of the enemy and say, 'back off', yet at the same time gather my little brother into His arms and reassure Him of His love and favor with the gentle words of a faithful Father. if that few minutes of prayer with pat were the only reason i was there (and i don't think it was...but even if it was...) it was worth the whole thing.

as if that wasn't beautiful enough i ended up hanging out last night with some high schoolers that have been around for the last 2 48s. they were all at my friend lydia's house and ben called me and told me to come over since we were supposed to hang out. i got over there and they were hanging out in the basement worshipping. at some point i ended up with a guitar and we plunged into God. it was so sweet and beautiful. after a while i was back on the couch and was praying for one of the guys, an absolute gem named jake. i can't wait to see where his life takes him because it's so clear that the finger of God is on him.

after i prayed with jake one of the girls i'd talked to the afternoon before came and sat by me. before long she was laying with her head on my knee and i found myself praying for her. as i began to pray God started telling me all these things about her and when i prayed them she just broke open and cried her heart out. the more she cried the more God seemed to have to say to her, and met her in a big huge way. it was especially cool that i was the stranger in the group because everyone there knew the things that were prayed were true and that i had no way of knowing those things. it was clearly God.

i'm still a bit in awe of all of it. i know i'm not the only one God stretched and grew over the course of these last three 48s. each of us could tell our own story of what God has broken open in our lives. now i find myself in the strange place of being surrounded by high schoolers that want me to hang out with them. it's strangely hard for me to be wanted like that. it's humbling. very humbling. it's hard to receive such an extravagant gift and it's hard for me to believe that God would trust me with their friendship. i know this is going somewhere that is meant to have a lasting effect on some of these young lives, and it moves me deeply to look back at those who were that for me and think that i could be that for these. i feel horribly flawed and and unworthy, and amazingly at peace with the knowledge that this is God's doing.

i witnessed the birth of beautiful eternal things this weekend. what an amazing God.