home

i thought this summed up my life pretty well.

it was strange to wake up in my own bed today. i've been in 10 different beds over the last 22 days...12 if you count airplanes. it's really good to be home, but my heart is feeling a bit fragile after seeing so many people i love and having to say goodbye to them all. i didn't cry so much on the plane this time, but i woke up crying today. i hope i'm not a basket-case for the next week.

now is the challenging part. i get to see all my friends over the next few days, but i'll have to explain a world they have no reference for, and a world that will be my world in the not-too-distant future. God made it pretty clear to my heart i'll be there next year, which is good because that's what i was planning, but the reality of that is that this will be a year (if that) of work to get things to a place where i am ready to be an asset to the community i will be part of. not to mention visas and finances and all the rest that goes with moving out of the country. i'm confident that this will be an intense season of very purposeful preparation and will require much more of me than anything else has so far.

i found the goodbyes extra hard this time, especially with ben leaving half-way through the trip to go back to australia. it brought home to me how hard it will be to leave the family and community i love and am deeply rooted in. it also made me aware that one of my biggest challenges this year is to continue to be current and open in my relationships and not try to insulate my heart so goodbyes aren't so painful. of anything i'll have to learn in this season this will require the most leaning on God and trusting He will make me able to walk through this transition and not be broken.

these are just my initial thoughts waking up today. i don't mean to sound dreary. i'm really glad to be back home. i can't tell you how much i missed everyone.

oh, and i'll be linking pictures soon. today...i hope.