artist

 

i was reminded today of how little credit i give myself in regard to the creative. it came through a revelation, a realization, a label i allowed myself to bestow...on myself. i realized today that i am an artist. somehow it's taken more than thirty-one years to let myself believe it.

i am an artist.

it was free day at the portland art museum. they have them once or twice a year, but more now since the downtown neighborhood association is putting pressure on them for being elitist and only offering admission affordable to the upper-middle and wealthier socio-economic population, and leaving the poorer regiments of society standing outside looking at the posters. (okay, i'm getting off the soap box now.) since i was working the early shift i was off at 3:30 and able to meet up with kathleen at the museum.

i hadn't been there since january, when i got some of my chick-posse together for my birthday and saw the hesse exhibit. today kathleen and i got there just in time to catch the first part of a tour of the modern wing. since i've never studied art i was glad for the educated exposure. then somewhere between cubism and modern impressionism i realized something; i have a few pieces that could just as easily be on one of these walls with a little foam-backed description card next to it. not only is some of my stuff 'not so bad', but there are even one or two pieces that are pretty good. maybe exhibit good. maybe 'artist' good.

wow! i'm an artist. i really am an artist.

so i told kathleen. i told her after we left the tour group because i felt a bit self-conscious putting a label that categorizing on myself. and she said, "duh! hello!" and then she laughed.

there's always going to be someone more skilled, and it may never come out on paper, film, canvas, fabric, yarn or blog quite like it is in my heart, but that doesn't negate the beauty of what i do manage to express, or even the expression itself. i love to create - it's part of who i am. i create to express. i express to connect my view of the Beautiful One in everything i see with anyone who will take notice. and i'm a little better at it than i have given myself credit for up to today.