Doors

I've been pulled lately into focusing on writing. I'm increasingly more aware of the two (at least) books stuck in my head. I was incredibly close to purchasing my first laptop at the end of August to hopefully make the writing process easier by making it mobile, but right around then we had some downsizing at work, and those who were left got our hours cut. I was suddenly making 12.5% less, which was the end of laptop scheme for a while.

Work goes back to full-time in January, but now I have a bit of saving to do to get past head-just-above-water mode. I'll also go back to just doing one full-time role at work instead of two, which I have been doing since the cutbacks. Needless to say it's been a bit stressful. I've really seen God's strength in my life through these past few months. I honestly don't know how I've kept up except that God has been my strength.

I'm finding myself in a rather strange season of searching. I'm not restless or anxious to leave Portland, but I feel like I'm supposed to look into several things that at one time captured my focus and see what opens. Kind of like trying a bunch of door knobs to see which one turns. I'm finding myself looking into work possibilities in other countries in which I've been interested in spending time. I've sent off for brochures from various work exchange and language school programs to work on my Spanish. I've even looked into the Peace Corps.

I'm also looking into higher education, something I never did after high school (unless you count the one semester of Bible college, which I don't). I'm currently checking out Portland State University for either their European Studies program or their School of Urban Planning. I'm looking at the UK's University of Reading for their School of Archaeology - something that as a kid I wanted to do for my career "when I grow up". The trick to the education option is finding a way to pay for it. My hope is that my demographic (lower-middle class female, mid-thirties and never been to college) will enable me to get grants of some sort. I've never really looked into this sort of thing, so I'm feeling a bit of a fish out of water. Being home schooled I had no access the guidance counselor thing either, so I'm trying not to let the process intimidate me.

I also found out about a two-year writing fellowship at Stanford University in Palo Alto, CA that takes 10 applicants a year. Five applicants are fiction writers and five are poetry writers. Acceptance has no academic, age, race, gender, religious or nationality requirements, and is based soley on the merit of your writing. According to their website they receive 1400 applications a year, and I'm happy to say that this time around one of the poetry applications was mine. The beauty of it is that fellows receive a living stipend, with tuition and health care free for the entire two years they spend in the fellowship. They also get student status at Stanford, even though there is no degree at the end. At the end of the two years all fellows have the opportunity to apply for a two-year lectureship teaching undergraduate fiction or poetry at Stanford. And all that to do what you love and hone your skill. What an opportunity! I had to apply. Unfortunately I won't know anything about my possible acceptance until April. That's a long time to keep my fingers crossed.

I'll leave you with a sonnet I recently finished. I started it ages ago and found it half-finished when I dug up my poetry for the fellowship application. It's based on the definition of hope, which is "the confident and eager expectation of good".


Sonnet: Hope

Hope is all the goal and all the journey
While waiting’s worth is by the goal defined
Action makes patient impatience’s fury
And stays the mind from thoughts of life resigned

Resignation is despair enacted
When from our youth we frequent knew defeat
Often hope is killed when once distracted
And comforted too much in doubt’s retreat

Hope is the glory of the faithful heart
The confident eager expectation
That those who seek the good will gain their part
And see faith's tangible revelation

Oft has made ill the heart hope long ignored
But realization is hope's reward