mechanical

that's how i feel today. my car is still immobile, but it's working out for now. i found a place that will come pick up my alternator, refurbish it and bring it back to me, all for $89. the quote from the shop was $340. my dad came over and helped me pull it out. i really did most of it myself, having just changed the last one out with my cousin a year ago. i suppose i'm not quite so helpless as i feel.

so this wonderful service that is to refurbish my alternator did not show up to pick it up. the guy said if he couldn't get it sunday afternoon he'd get it monday morning. it's still on my porch, and it's tuesday. pretty white-trash to have car parts on the porch, isn't it? this means i'll have at least 3 more days without a car. i find that a bit irritating.

aside from car drama, i've been thinking alot about my life. i've always loved God and craved deeper relationship with Him, so don't think i don't know He values me and created me for His purpose. i'm just wondering why i'm here. i know the nice sunday school answers to that question, but i want to know the God-to-sheena answer. i'm just a silly girl in a little northwestern city going through the mechanics of every-day life. why?

i desperately want God to use me, but don't have any of the things that i would think create opportunities to impact the world around me. i haven't done any college, i'm not well connected, i'm awkward with my money and have nothing of value (aside from relationships) to show for my 30 years of life. and yet i remain oddly certain that God will use me somehow, and when i think about it i can't imagine what He could possibly do with me. and as i go through my mechanical life i've lately found myself asking, "why am i here, Lord?". when He answers i wonder what He'll say.