flame

i was listening to a cd my friend brought back from her trip to london called the Scot project. it's original mixes with sampled prayers from events and prayer rooms in scotland. i'm overwhelmed every time i listen to it. overwhelmed and challenged to pray for portland like never before.

john wesley once said, "i set myself on fire and people come to watch me burn". i think about that alot. as i've been listening to the cd i've been struck with the awareness that i'm witnessing people burn. more than at any other time in my life i find myself burning with longing - a longing to burn. i look around at the church in this city and i see so much fuel, but not so much fire. i'm aching to know what this lid is over us keeping us from longing, and how to break through.

so many times we feel like we're in 'the desert' and we cry out to God for water. maybe that's the wrong prayer. maybe instead of asking for raindrops we should be asking for a flame. maybe it's time for us to be consumed so when those in our lives look at us they see only Him.

i want God. i want Him so badly. i want Him in the silly little everyday things i do, in my friends, in my co-workers, in my church, in my city...i just want God. i see the valley of dry bones and God asks me if they can live. i know they could, but will they? God knows that if they don't live i won't either.

Father breathe here. breathe in me, in my life, my friends, my workplace, my church, my city. come with Your flame and ignite this dry and worthless kindling that is me. make me a burning one that will ignite those around me and ruin their plans for an ordinary life. Lord come break through this horrible niceness of life that keeps us from desperation. make us more concerned with being lost in the fire of Your heart than we are about living our comfortable little lives.