flawed

today i am discouraged.

that's the plain truth. i don't say that to elicit pity, i say it because it's always worse if you keep it to yourself. i cried like a baby all the way to work as i told God all about it, but i still don't feel resolved.

the thing that discourages me is me. do you ever set about to change something in your life that desperately needs it, only to realize that the picture you had of how it will be all nice and pretty when you're done is not reality? it's not that it won't be better, or that you can really afford not to change, it's just that at the end of change you'll still be flawed. that's how i feel...horribly flawed.

the truth is that God has a way of taking the messes, sin and wounds in our lives and making us better at the end than if we'd never had to go through those things in the first place. i'm desperately trying to remember that today. i'm also trying to really absorb that Jesus is forever 'flawed' too, with scars on His body that will remain for eternity. so i'll continue to cling to my God since it is He who lifts my head.