single and wheezy

as i was walking tonight i was thinking of two things. the first is that as humiliating as it can sometimes be to be out of shape, it's much more humiliating to be 'getting into shape'. i'm one who has never in my life been in any shape but fairly round. as i hauled my chubby self up 'The Hill' tonight and muttered under my asthmatically wheezing breath "i can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" i had to admit that i was glad for the semi-darkness.

so much of me has changed in the last few years. i've worked hard on my soul, lining it up with what God says and not what 'feels true', learning to be comfortable in my own skin. i've lots more work that will take me the rest of my life, but i've earned a new respect for myself. now it's time the outside of me lines up with the inside. no more excused, no more limitations. i really can do ALL things through Christ because it is He that works in me, both to will and to do His good pleasure.

the other thing i was thinking about was marriage. my pastor told me once that it's much easier to be single than to be married, and to enjoy being single while i had it. he was laughing when he said it, but i know he meant it. my dad used to say that marriage is the end of all your problems...the front end.

several of my friends are newlywed couples. i see clearly what my pastor was saying. trying to make two lives become one is a whole lot more work than i can understand this side of it. i watch them work this out in their different ways, i pray with my girlfriends and listen with them to the counsel of the women that have walked this out already and i see it will be worth it, but tilling for the first time the soil for the garden of 'til death do us part' is clearly some pretty hard work. as much as i look forward to the companionship, family and children someday, and just being wrapped in someone's arms on a regular basis (i don't get alot of that in my life right now. i really am looking forward to it) , the work of daily and always choosing to love honor and cherish seems pretty intense.

so i think i'm just fine hanging out in this single thing as long as God has it for me to do.