gripping
i need to move on from the last post. the longer i leave it the more i fear it looks like i'm fishing for compliments.
i've had a crazy week. i decided that there are two things about myself i would like to be different. i would like to cry less. i would like to be less self-focused.
i saw a picture in my mind when i was praying about stuff this week. whenever i picture myself with Father God i always see myself standing with Him or sitting on His knee. i'm always in a posture where i can see what He's seeing. this time i saw myself like a little girl with my arms around His neck, gripping for dear life while He held me. i realized i'd never seen myself with Him like that, and that it was such a picture of dependence. i realized that even in the way i see myself interacting with God i still want to see where wer're going and have a say in it. i want Him to watch my back while i forge ahead.
last night as i though about this i saw so clearly how much i still try to lead God instead of letting God lead me. surrender isn't difficult, resisting surrender is. i want to control what i have to go through, how i go through it, what people think of me. that's not my place. my place is to trust that what God says is true and let Him take me where i should go, continuing to believe that (like jeremiah 29:11 says) His thoughts toward me are good, not evil, to give me a future and a hope. i have to trust that He can even use the insecure mess that i am to show His love to the people around me.
1 comment:
Sheen you are one of the most beautiful people I know. Thank you for your honesty. It has helped so many. Thank you for having the courage to be you. It is inspiring and it encourages me to be who I am, and that is a difficult thing for me.
Everyone has insecurities and, yes, God uses that. He has used you already and will continue to do that. Don't be afraid. There is another verse I wanted to give you as it is one of my favourite and it is Isaiah 49:16a which says "See I have engraved you on the palms of my hands..." It is such a beautiful picture of the nails that were in His hands or as if He took a pen and wrote a reminder on his hand that would never come off that said "I love Sheena". Can't wait for you to get here! Come soon my friend.
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