portland

i've been in an interesting space lately. as we've been really focusing on our 'can we help' community stuff and getting into the swing of things for the autumn and winter i've been re-taken with portland.

i've spent some time lately just wandering around dowtown with a camera in hand (you can view my portland album here). part of it is that i love this time of year, and part of it is the way i feel after travel. one thing i noticed in prague is that you can always spot the tourists because they're the only ones looking around. whenever i travel i come back with the desire to see my beautiful portland with tourist eyes. it's so easy to get comfortable with the cares and preoccupations of the daily grind. i live in one of the most beautiful cities ever. i hope i never lose sight of that.

when i was in germany God made it very clear to me that i need to be in edinburgh by next september. spending some time in edinburgh a week later just confirmed it all the more. i'm not sure how it will pan out, but i just need to be there to participate in the things God wants to do in that amazing city. but with that in mind i've found goodbyes (like when jben left) much more difficult than they seem like they should be. i've lived in portland since 1983, and it's always been a place i've loved.

jben called me from australia yesterday. it was so awesome to talk to him, especially since i was really missing him after our dhop meeting the night before where everyone was there but him. i got off the phone with a heavy heart because i know he has to be gone for a season, and it's not easy. but it's the only way for him to receive the things God wants to put in him to equip him for the rest of his life and ministry.

it just got me thinking again about my move and what that will really be like to leave the 'family'(both related and not) i have here. how lonely will it really be in the transition of establishing my new community of real relationships? how long before people really know me and can speak honestly into my life, and i into theirs? will edinburgh, the other city i love, gain some tarnish after i've lived there a bit, or will i always love it like i do portland? it's a jumble of questions and feelings that don't even all make sense, but all require further trust in God than i've had to put out up to now. and somehow my love for portland and desire to be a part of the things God is doing here just keeps growing. i love my job more than i ever have, and life is good - even with all the question marks ahead.

what a strange year i have ahead of me.