thursday contemplation

tonight kathleen came over. we've been getting together on thursdays for a couple months. the idea is to pray for edinburgh, both for the city and for the people there we love that are running after God's heart for that city.

since i became really truly clear that it's time for me to move to edinburgh we have had an on-going dialogue about what is in my heart to do while i'm there. it's been a gift from God to be able to think those things out loud, things that have been in my heart and silent for years. it's made me realize some things about myself.

i sell myself short...all the time. i see myself as a 'supporter' a 'helper' and an 'implementer', but God's asking me to be a bit less safe and dare to put legs to my own dreams. i'm seeing so clearly how everything in my life has been equipping me for this season, and it's got me wondering what this season will be equipping me for. it's sobering and exciting all at the same time. things are becoming so clear to me that i can actually put them on paper and talk them out. it's like i'm finding my wings, and it turns out i'm meant to be a hawk and not a chicken. it's the difference between being comfy in myself or relying on God. as much as i love 'safe' i just can't abide the thought of looking back on my days to a life full of 'what-if?'.

so i'm thankful for faithful friends that spur me on to love and good works, friends like kathleen. i'm thankful for the awareness that God has already given me what i need to do what He is asking of me. and i'm thankful for my journal where i scribble this out in prayerful contemplation. and i'm thankful for thursdays.