rest

that's what i'm getting today.

i called in sick today, and i almost am. i'm pretty healthy in general. i only get a couple of colds a year, so i always have loads of sick days from work. these last two i've taken as 'mental health' days. the fact that i don't feel guilty about it tells me i need it. i better not make a habit of this.

the past several days have been a bit wearing. the wedding was exhausting but great, but (the story behind my last post) some of my friends from church went out after the wedding and did some really stupid things. i have grace for stupidity, but i really had a hard time with this because they had others along that are just coming to an understanding of the need to make better choices with their lives, and are just discovering God. from my eyes it looks like my friends knowingly chose self-gratification to the detriment and damage of others. i don't think there's any excuse for that. they know how to make the right choices, and they understood that some of the others going out were watching them. i could see it coming so i went home when i realized there was nothing i could say to influence their plans. it really really bothered me.

i have this 'mamma bear' thing and i get more upset than maybe i should over situations like this. i know my sense of justice is overdeveloped, but it's still hard to talk myself down sometimes. this time it took me 2 days. God will work it out for His glory, but why do we create situations that make Him have to 'work it out'? why don't we just do it right the first time?

i'm sinful, stupid and selfish. i don't think i'm better or more holy than anyone else. i just ache to see us get past these childish things and mature in our relationships with Christ and eachother. what would God be free to do if we put love first? what would happen if we made choices based on wanting to please God instead of trying to keep as much of the pleasures of this life as we could justify, and somehow still serve Him. i want to know. i want my friends to know. i want those watching us to know.

am i being too harsh about this? anyone have any thoughts?